@inlinebehindDio's timeline on Twitter
Tweets
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Soduh or Vigoda? “Nonsense is an assertion of man’s spiritual freedom in spite of all the oppressions of circumstance.” # not# sure
#gsoav -
“You think you shit a brick, but it was a tile, instead. Life's little surprises make me smile," Jim said. {Jim, shut the fuck up.}
#gsoav -
Grape Soduh or Abe Vigoda? “Didn’t know what’s up at first, but saw who take foot off the bag.”
#abeandthecostellofellow#iswronganswer -
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"da purple drank followed you" - ruh roh
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Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric." ~ Bertrand Russell ♥
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Sometimes Twitter feels like we're all beatniks in a coffee house, listening to someone read a poem, then nonchalantly snapping our fingers.
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There should totally be a gay dating site called Floppy Dingle Mingle.
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O yeah, being trapped on a boat with you lot sounds like one hell of an idea!
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Grape Soduh or Abe Vigoda? “I've about had it with Joan and Melissa giving me shit about my outfits.” Abe V Maybe was Ray Liotta, though.
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The acoustic and/or electric guitar is by far a much better invention than porn...and the phrase "Fuck off" that's pretty sweet too.
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apples are hard. i mean apples are difficult. i mean if you're walking down the street eating an apple IT IS GOING TO GET WEIRD
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This Asian lady has the longest tongue I've ever seen on a woman.
#slowlyremovespanties -
I don't always think people are stupid but when I do it's every day.
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Urge to set shit on fire has been averted.
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Dear Shannen Doherty, How exactly do I earn s Culinary Arts degree online? Sincerely, van
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Liked a tweet. "Hmm, might be a good one to follow." Checked & they had TONS of followers but only followed 300...elitist. No, thanks.
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I've already eaten my monthly allotment of nuts.
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People who're unknowingly animated simply being themselves are memorable characters exuding vibrance into an otherwise dulling day.
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I look good in awkward.
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EYE DOCTOR: Ok. Read the bottom row of letters, Sarah. ME: Alright. G F Q 7... HIM: Seven's not a letter.
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We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. - Kurt Vonnegut
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"Sometimes, perhaps, we are allowed to get lost that we may find the right person to ask directions of." ~Robert Brault
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i pour a little water on the floor for all my fallen ice cubes. melt in peace, homiez.
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If it's really true that money doesn't bring happiness,then I guess everyone trying to make me happy by taking them all from my bank account
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Oh, just laying here balancing quarters on my wiener. What you guys doin'?
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ME. No grammar, no punctuation.. I can barely understand half the people I follow. SIS. Why bother? ME. Desperate to feel something.
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girls, I'm the "faceless guy" that has sex with you in your dreams...I don't want to hide anymore
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An ice cream truck that sells ice cream with lists of bad choices on the wrappers would be a sobering way to warn parents.
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That last tweet was super dumb.
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Macaroni -n- Cheese would be a perfect food if you didn't have to cook it, and it didn't have those noodles.
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the frogs told the turtles that their shells were stupid and the turtles cried
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Really wanna wrap my hands around that long, hard Cool. Found the remote.
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What happens if you cross Big Fruit with Small Dog? Melancholy. Sorry. I'm not well.
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Clearly there is something lacking in the educational system when a 5th grader thinks that a stegosaurus is a dragon.
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good news today. the tranny is resigning so now there will be no one prettier than i at work. sexual harrassment will peak, i predict.
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Changing my bio to Crass but Swanky
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Humans are funny...we think "If I could only find a Japanese Lesbian armpit fetish video, I'd be happy" then we find it & we're like, "Meh."
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Reality tv ideas- hippie hunter.
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Love means staying together even when he's going through a Dave Matthews phase
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Camels&humans not so different. Both put their pants on1leg at a time, except4gymnasts. Got2admire how gymnastic camels put their pants on.
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Rarely does my thumb make me happy these days.
#tbot -
Be who you are & say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter & those who matter don't mind ~Theodore Seuss Giesel,♥
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It's bad enough backyard looks like paint-by-dogshit Jackson Pollock artwork, the Marcel Duchamp kitty urinal's not even being used.
#ftwot -
I can't find the black box of life so I can find out what went wrong
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Defend you? Pfft. Not if it'll cost me my Favstar status.
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26 hrs until takeoff.... Of your pants.
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Jed’s A Millionaire band: “Cottonfields”.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RZh4j6HKZE&sns=tw … via
@youtube -
So many lies and bullshit but you know what, i cannot allow myself to anger.... anger would only contribute to the negativity...
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<------------ Practices most of his stand-up lying down.
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ThePoint of no return,hasn't warning signs when U passin'it Sometimes it has smilin'faces knocking on your back with compliment,but no signs
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It's unfair that in near future hasn't invented the time travel & my future self can't send me help.~Random thoughts in front of ATM machine
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Remember kids, what others think of you is none of your business. Fact.
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I was just told I shouldn't say things about where Hoffa may be found, so, I will not tell u he's currently enjoying a burrito on Bagley Ave
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Only way I ever know it's puppy love is when the dog rolls its eyes at me.
#ftwot -
The clouds are giving me subliminal messages. You best better beware of me for I may not know what I'm about to do. # cloudcontrol
#tbot -
my grandpa taught me never to trust anyone unless i could throw them real far
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Was thinking how working's for the birds. And how I'm most likely a duck. And how if I were a dodo, I'd be extinct. And not working.
#tbot -
Ever since barely surviving a big narcisshipwreck, all the famous rapper ever says anymore is: "I make it Wayne. I make it Wayne."
#tbot -
Today and everyday, we are boldly paving the way to a super, stupider future. Yay! *burp*
#tbot -
Sang "Skip to my Loofah" in the shower. Slipped. Dinged my head as I banged into it. Then, the accident gave me superpowers.
#tbot -
Twas the year of their discontent, historians now say. Mayan tribal scribblers said, “Fuck the future," & ate the calendar chocolate.
#tbot -
Hedgerows bustle as the May Queen cleans the clutter from our minds. Rooms revive as she pulls our strings and opens up the blinds.
#tbot -
“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” ― Theodore Roosevelt ♥
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It was right as the sorority girls began swinging pillows on Lingerie Tickle Fight Night that I waltzed in & ruffled a few feathers.
#tbot -
Says he’ll kick my butt if I call him dull turd again but he’s old & slow & his legs are short. Isn’t that right, Mr. Turdleturtle?
#tbot -
Not easy to film serious hard-core banana porn movies because they all become romantic comedies once things end up getting all mushy.
#tbot -
I was sitting pretty. Until I got a cramp.
#tbot#thebookoftweet -
penises from heaven is the way horny angels say hello.
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anyone can learn from their mistakes, i like to be different.
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Life is what you make of it. But there's only so much you can do with a giant pile of shit and some lemons.
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"Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none" William Shakespeare ♥
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Hey, straight dudes wearing flip flops with jeans… NO. THAT’S BAD *rubs nose in Banana Republic magazine*
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I wish you were a bobblehead, then I could just ping your little wooden skull back and forth all day long
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I just had a great idea but it was in Spanish and I didn't catch everything.
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They forming lines for food & at the other side for IPhone 5. NO ONE God who created this species can take himself seriously.
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If I ever get rich the first thing I'm going to do is start calling my comforter a duvet. Then I'll have to learn all the names for lettuce.
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Ooooops RT'd a bad word.
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Leave a word out of a tweet & the meaning changes but in my case, it's still a stupid tweet just like vomit minus the bacon is still vomit.
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As big as Twitter is, I keep asking myself how the hell did I get on this bus.
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Followers,Un-followers,Followers,Un-followers.For stupid accounts,it's a political campaign of revolving lunatics with no productive purpose
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I don't care which athlete or celebrity is gay, straight or bi...should be a non subject for the public...just saying.
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"How can you be so obtuse" is probably the biggest slam ever at mathematician insult battles.
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everybody falling in love one at a time
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I'd recognize those boob avis anywhere, Todd.
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Youlook at me,oh, Another white dude w/dreds.Then I take off my wig & do a fantastic puppet show & make like $4. & that's every other corner
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I’m not sendin'sub tweets.I’m a misunderstood person,like Donald Trump.....The man just tryin'to fix a rockabilly haircut with the wrong way
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money is cool how you can just give somebody this dumb piece of paper and then they'll give you a can of beans
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If you're my friend. There's never a need to hurt me. I've always been broken. Just accept me & love me.. unconditionally.
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They'll take as much as you'll let them take. There's "fuck off" for everything else.
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There are those who mock your stupidity, and those who gladly help you learn. Hats off to the kind ones!
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I wore his droid helmet when he fucked me... It was awesome. No surprise blow jobs!
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Yeah I got blackout on Monday, puked for four hours, then passed out for six hours. Come at me spring break.
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I just looked at 20 of your tweets to see if you meant “jam” or “jello”.
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Patton Oswalt Parks & Rec filibuster! Classic great comedy. Wait? This shit's a real idea? http://popwatch.ew.com/2013/04/18/star-wars-avengers-patton-oswalt/ …
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Awwww. There are actually people here who are simply nice. No agenda, not trying to be moral quote queens. I'm Not being sarcastic asswipe!
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On the emotional scene of mindless mob mentality- chanting, dancing, saying 'look at me'. The coin is the same, regardless of side.
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Nobody that works at this Walmart knows what aisle the toothbrushes are in
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Booty so big she got a double entendrérriére.
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There is a special place in hell for people who say 'agree to disagree' once they know they've lost an argument.
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OK, sure, let's play perfume or cleaning product. I'll go first.
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Dorito tacos? Yes indeed. No brainer. But how about Dorito houses!!! *swigs last beer and high fives the mirror.
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Self righteous tweets are precursors to psychological breakdowns.
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I do enjoy destroying things.
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Block Move on Ignore 3 rules that will help your Twitter experience.
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my hair naturally grows out into a side pony. it's not like i'm tryna be all sexy
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Dear Dr Phil, If it's true that the majority of females are crap scared of clowns why do so many end up in relationships with them?
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You didn't like my monkey love poetry, huh?
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Lyrics in my mind- it was a Monday, a day like any other day. I drank a Snapple, the taste was kinda just okay. It was my destiny, what I...
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I’ve been on Twitter for some time now and I still have two questions: 1)Why all the drama? 2)What the fuck is an Osigat?
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Wish I had one of those jobs where you just forward emails to a coworker saying 'see below, tks'.
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Maybe "moves like Jagger" is good, maybe not... But it's definitely better than 'moves like Wyman'.
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GF started smoking today..... So we had to slow down and start using lube.
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Well..... apparently, there is such a thing as too many cookies. huh. weird.
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We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience
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I have pillow issues and my bed smells like cupcakes.
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I'm always grateful when I can't find the bathroom I keep searching for in my dreams.
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OMG, they give awards for Country Music?
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As bad as you need to believe people are evil, I need to believe that they’re good.
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I remember him. I wonder how his Twitter marriage is working out.
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A painting struggles to take shape, to exist. I struggle to let go, to forget.
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Ryan Gosling is one part man & nine tenths overgrown Ewok.
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In heaven everybody kickflips.
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Try 2 explain Twitter 2 friend. Fact I am followed by horse, 3 dogs, cat, brown paper bag and a vegetable I don't recognise, doesn't help.
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Ok guys, enough with the zero star tweets.
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A one track mind with a two train heart is destined for a derailment. This shit doesn't have to make sense.
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travel the trails until you see goodness sincerity kindness. if you don't see it yet keep going. keep going and keep going and keep going
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Never told anyone this but that "Double Rainbow" vid really fucking struck a chord with me. The original. Not the one with lightsabers.
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The dude just woke up and... smaaaack. TWO fucking rainbows in your face. In your motherfucking face. I'd be freaking out yo
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I'm a firm believer in like people and some odd meaningfulness here.
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*Professional tweeter. Closed course. Do not attempt.*
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I unfollowed you because you're kind of a meanie and now I feel bad because maybe something bad happened to you and you just need some love.
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Some sandwich artist.. I had to tell him how to make it every step of the way.
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Sorry. Just can't handle someone that continues to belittle the beliefs of some. Your 1000's of followers mean zero to me.
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"Something notable." There. It had to be said.
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Oh man, if only I could have a third hand. My other two hands would be so clean!
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Before you sub tweet on my last tweet, fuck off..,,I already fucked your mom. And please let me know if you need any roof work.
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On a canvas you can add colour by using brushes or get down and dirty with finger paints ... I prefer a human canvas, without the brushes.
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"It smells like poop but tastes like bananas!"
#IDontWantToKnow -
Making fun of people that retweet you with 100 followers? That's 100 more people that are reading it, dumbass. You had 100 or less once too.
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Overconsumption... you know how it is ya'll! (Come on lets get down, lets get down)
#remixxxxx -
Because men can't, giraffes have to blow themselves or they die immediately after birth. Thems the rules.
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I just burped after four slices of pizza. FOUR. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PIZZAS JESUS ATE BEFORE HE BURPED?! 81. EIGHTY. ONE. READ A BIBLE.
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show me on the measuring cup how much i'm allowed to love you
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I feel sorry for the coins in the fountain that don't make it into the cool coin club...think I'll go & save them & possibly buy some pizza
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The highest form of control is knowing when to let go. ~Unknown
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I fell in-love all over again with someone I am already madly in-love with & broke my hip. Kidding, I was trying to to do a keg stand.
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She has: husband, kids, loving dog, and huge house I have:3 booty calls,a bag of weed, and a ranch stain on my pants Not sure who's winning.
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I'm on Twotter&I interrupted myself on Twotter, when I saw a heartfelt Tweet, made me stop&think. Ye gods I don't think I have a RL left.
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And in other news, warm fuzzy feelings are talking about condoms and hot dogs, I have no idea.
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I fear that some peeps I follow are not real. They may be aliens in disguise. This is scawry mom.
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One can recognize a Twitter user by their ransom note: "I have you're wife. I want too thousand dollars. Put it their by the bush."
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Do whatever you want that makes you happy. Just don't hurt anyone else along the way.
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This job gives me stretch marks.
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I will crush your pixie girlfriend between my real girl thighs.
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The cat walked over the candle, now my kitchen smells like burnt cat ass
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cracking yourself up is serious business
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find what's good in the mythology find what's wise find what's honorable find what's love
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I would imagine, if you had a long enough guitar cord you could lead all the hippies out of town playing smoke on the water
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As it currently stands, I'm the funniest* person in my kitchen. *only.
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Twitter celebrities exist so that we can kiss their famous asses & feel inferior even in the virtual world. Fuck You for that, Hollywood.
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Try explaining daylight savings time to an 8 year old and you'll end up feeling like you're in the fucking Matrix.
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I am either getting a giant forehead pimple, or my unicorn horn is finally growing in.
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Just had dinner. A burrito of corned beef and cabbage with horseradish and sour cream. En garde, Facebook.
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If you've got 23 hours spare each day, you too can be a Twitter success story!
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Did anyone know what Chewbacca was really going on about?
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1988, Attention All Reptiles, auditions for The Ninja Mutants is in sound stage B. Tortoise: "what did he say sonny." Turtle: "SOUNDSTAGE A"
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Juice boxes I ordered for Twitter Boot Camp have vanished off the loading dock. Hearing cursing, hooting, and "Fucking straw!" in the woods.
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Decent road head was just impossible in that stupid car. - the Pope
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Damn it, Turtle! Turn around and go back down that driveway. I want to be alone for a bit.
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Sometimes you win, sometimes you slap them upside the head.
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aunt texted; she has nothing but love & acceptance for me. i told her to stop being overly dramatic. how's that love & acceptance now?
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Cookie Monster desperately slaps the keyboard with his huge bear-like paws, "Accept cookies! ACCEPT COOKIES!" he sobs.
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Do not retweet the people who don't retweet you. Some are just assholes.
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not pretty enough is all the world had ever said yet they wondered her sadness
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Never let pain consume you so much that you forget to act. Either walk away, or fight. But do something. Cause later, this will haunt you.
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...I was just kidding on that last tweet. I totally lost my shit years ago...
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Monkey see guy in kilt. Monkey wish it was hot babe in wet T-shirt. *flings own feces* (8(/)
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And dub steps up to the plate... The pitch is wide...
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I'm not popular enough to be different but this was the only sandwich I had.
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Don't take this the wrong way but I think your mom got some new sneakers.
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“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ― Stephen Chbosky ♥
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It's just my eyes, nose, phone & fingers sticking out from the covers. So awesome. I'm cozy. You can't see me. It's like we're not here.
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I'm just a pee on in a bowl of peed on soup. Don't ask.. just accept.
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Whole lotta judging goin on. We must do it 'cause we're bored, nibshits, envious, hypocrites, or because we r just sad humans. Pick one.
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Life is simple really, like Twitter, what we give out, we get back.
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there is no secret to perfection it lives in your mind only
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All I have ever understood about women is in this tweet.
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The man on TV says he thinks Jonah's whale was a submarine built by a race of undersea dwelling extraterrestrials. Meesa don't likin' da.
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Who do I have to fuck to get off of this boat?
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We're not atheists; we're just spiritually indifferent, and educated.
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If I accidentally fav myself, will I look like a douche if I take it away?
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You should see the smile on my face when I finally get the time to read your nonsense.
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I wonder how many people actually take that absurd advice I and everyone else tweets out there…
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it's not that i like tea so much it's that i like holding a cup
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Hey haters, stop bothering the pretty ladies and come hate on me! I'm lonely. :-( Probably not as lonely as you though.
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I'm not scared of the world ending ... I'm scared that some of it will carry on the way it is.
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Offending isn't a talent. Offending is collecting mental, emotional, & physical scars that people use as fuel to keep offending other people
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State the obvious and wait for my response.......
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If your bhole tickles it's because I thought of you.
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To those who tweet stereotypes just to get stars : fuck you very much.
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Living in an old house which requires constant attention and maintenance is much like living with a man except you don't have to feed it.
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Hey! Is anyone having better luck with my tweets?!......No?!....well keep trying!
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re-gifting my patience. it's gotten me nowhere
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Regardless the sin I’ll give almost all a second chance. Unless you bore me, cause you’re just destined to repeat that shit.
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What is your fetish? And don't say retweets.
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Some things are better left unsaid. That's usually the stuff I blurt out right away.
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Glad I found twitter, the One Safe Place to write my diary so no one will read it
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it's funny because we are not that we are this instead. haha thats
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Caffeine is the human body's equivalent of autotune.
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Some people make me wish they just stole tweets.
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I bought 9 Chia-Pets. Surprised! Thinks* No. Probably not. Twirls hair.* Whatever.
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Oh goody. I'm following the people who seemingly have all the answers.
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In my other world I totally understand what you just said.
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Who's cleaning up this mess?
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I'm gonna miss you guys after God smites you.
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Never under estimate the cheap liquor you drink. It's the Jedi side of the force in desperate situations that kicks Darth Vader's ass.
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Wow, you sing it as "sleep in heavenly pees" one time and all of a sudden you've ruined Christmas again.
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Anybody husslin' on the corners tonight? This is your safe place. Talk to us.
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My life strategy is simple. I pretend I know what the fuck I’m doing until I figure it out.
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What happens between an adult and a consenting deity is their own fucking business.
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Ya know how when ya wake up feelin worse than when ya wenta bed, but then the cobwebs clear and you're like "Wow I'm all better"? Not that.
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Get more followers tweets are like buses. You don't see one for ages, then you get 8 in 2 minutes. And they stink of despair & baby poo.
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Dear person who just turned in your resume with no name or phone number. You didn't get the job.
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Coming up with something stupid to say, just to keep the conversation going.
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Love means wanting happiness for someone, no matter the source.
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I'm always disappointed when the old mop doesn't fuck the bowling ball's face holes in the Swiffer commercial.
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I'm going to Home Depot, which means I'll likely tweet this exact same tweet at least three more times today.
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I'm glad to see you won't let a little speed bump like not knowing what the fuck you're talking about get in your way.
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When people are mean to me I see it for what it is. Them screaming at their miserable lives. I'm sorry. You deserve happiness too Xxx
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I had a wonderful tweet but then the beagle & I got to arguing and I forgot it.
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Sir, this is no ordinary phone. It's also a dormitory for my friends. Be gentle until my return.
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Wondering if the guy who puts out bread for the birds is actually in league with the neighborhood cats.
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it's almost like the world is trying to piss me off and one creeper is spearheading the whole operation.
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This could be the beginning of a beautiful restraining order.
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I wish "Where's your toy?! Go find your toy!" worked on people, too.
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I have a soft spot for the absurd ones here.
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The only thing more contagious than negativity is positivity.
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Sometimes life is about risking everything for a dream no one can see but you.
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Which one of you eggs is my employer?
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That dog food commercial where the dog eats it, jumps over a bush and becomes a majestic wolf in mid flight doesn’t work for stupid poodles.
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Sometimes it's not so much the quality of your tweets. But rather how you treat your fellow tweeters that matters on twitter.
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Sometimes I feel bad about all the shitty tweets I dump into my TL. But then I remember that some of those RTs might actually help someone.
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If it's a choice between a stairway to heaven or a highway to hell I'll take the highway because fuck stairs.
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Truth is failed propaganda.
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Sometimes you just have to stand in the middle of the street and scream.
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The part of the story no-one talks about is that Goldilocks was the reason Mama Bear & Papa Bear slept in separate beds...
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I suffer from random memory loss. Some people call it politeness.
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I take the time every night to read your tweets to my children as part of my stay in school campaign.
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I can tell that some of you were that kid that always got his head stuck in the arm hole of his shirt.
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The danger lies not in setting our aim too high & falling short; but in setting our aim too low & achieving our mark." – M Buonarroti ♥
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Been on Twotter for 6 or 7 months, still don't know what I'm doing. So I tried FavStar. Great, now I don't know what I'm doing in 2 places.
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My new app doesn't work as promised. .99 cents down the drain for the pecker enhancer. Wife says I don't know how to use it. My life story.
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Twitter is asking me to add my contacts so that I have more followers. I guess twitter doesn't know how to do twitter.
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Join twitter, tweet about your spouse, tweet about your twitter crush, live tweet your melt down, twittercide, come back as a cat.
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Locking myself in a room and I won't emerge until I have perfected the Vatican/puff puff pass/conclave tweet...
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Once you've stepped on a jack a Lego ain't shit ..!..
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I think we need to understand men, not women.
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3 out of 10 people suck; remaining 7 chew.
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I slept almost all day yesterday, because fuck it.
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Tracy Chapman - This Time http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEhXtZ7L4YE&sns=tw … via
@youtube -
Dimming the lights and being on twitter. I was waiting for this moment.
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Who wants to come and do this fucking laundry with me? I blow job.
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Newbies, you don't wait for followers, you go get them.
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~ Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts. - Albert Einstein ♥
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"The world stands aside to let anyone pass who knows where he is going." – David Starr Jordan ♥
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Looking for a nice girl who wears funky clothes and can kickflip.
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unless there are flying chipmunks in your sexual fantasies, don't involve me.
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RT
@CosmicCat: "Real strength is having power & choosing not to use it." ~ Stan Smith
Half Past Last
el serracho
LoveScopes
Evil Schwartzie
WhatserName
Skoots ®
BlackWidow
Hushpuppy 5¢
Lilly
Rusty
Boiled Wieners
Vocally Harsh
Southern Insomniac
Tortured_soul
Gone
Not Silvestri
cynthiazolamOverdose
System Failure
Don Pearyawn
Dolores
Zeke Kastens
Jesus Jaramillo
Blakey Pants
Madame LaCrooz
Scott Taylor
sweet p
KaratCake
Manisha Reddy
*LL*
indie claws
Theodora Chester
sex out the city, ok
Vanessa
Johnny Scoop
JimBoy. St. Ratton
not so funny bunny
snicky
Just Call Me Frank™©
Nick
Mytwoscentz
Justin Walker™
paula
Raise Your Standards
Indian Bread Maker
Vandal
truthNSoul
Paul Hicks
alias
jennco
I LIKE CHIPS
The Robfather
Lisa K
Fondue KnuckleSlap.
The Osigator
Edward Hotspur
Papa Spill
Nance in your pants
Choplogic
Liouxbio
VirgoSherry
Feral_woman
Darth Kitteus
Orpheus Descending
Crash Ferrari
gordon
Nickels
Lolly Sassafras
Sarah Elizabeth
Theodore Roy
blunder rated
The Dork
From the desk of ...
Maria Carreon
TheDollyLama
fairy
Anonymous Vagabond
The Amiest Amy
JiJi
Jabberwocky
Smirkin' Wolf
Speedoman
Emily Gray
The Snark Knight
Richard Harris
Omar
Yer_Mom
Sly
Shari VanderWerf
ClumzyVixen
JohnnyBCool
Manic Monkey
Disco Tractor™
Dusty Hume
Sweet Angel
Marcus
H∅TMessBarbie™®
Dave
osama bininyomamma
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Labels: #ftwot, #gaf, #gsoav, #jsntf, #tbot, tweets, twitter
posted by Taranonymous Reads Not the Book of Tweet @ 4:18 PM
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