@inlinebehindDio's timeline on Twitter
Tweets
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Soduh or Vigoda? “Nonsense is an assertion of man’s spiritual freedom in spite of all the oppressions of circumstance.” # not# sure
#gsoav -
“You think you shit a brick, but it was a tile, instead. Life's little surprises make me smile," Jim said. {Jim, shut the fuck up.}
#gsoav -
Grape Soduh or Abe Vigoda? “Didn’t know what’s up at first, but saw who take foot off the bag.”
#abeandthecostellofellow#iswronganswer -
"da purple drank followed you" - ruh rohRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric." ~ Bertrand Russell ♥Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Sometimes Twitter feels like we're all beatniks in a coffee house, listening to someone read a poem, then nonchalantly snapping our fingers.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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There should totally be a gay dating site called Floppy Dingle Mingle.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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O yeah, being trapped on a boat with you lot sounds like one hell of an idea!Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Grape Soduh or Abe Vigoda? “I've about had it with Joan and Melissa giving me shit about my outfits.” Abe V Maybe was Ray Liotta, though.
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The acoustic and/or electric guitar is by far a much better invention than porn...and the phrase "Fuck off" that's pretty sweet too.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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apples are hard. i mean apples are difficult. i mean if you're walking down the street eating an apple IT IS GOING TO GET WEIRDRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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This Asian lady has the longest tongue I've ever seen on a woman.
#slowlyremovespantiesRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand -
I don't always think people are stupid but when I do it's every day.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Urge to set shit on fire has been averted.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Dear Shannen Doherty, How exactly do I earn s Culinary Arts degree online? Sincerely, vanRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Liked a tweet. "Hmm, might be a good one to follow." Checked & they had TONS of followers but only followed 300...elitist. No, thanks.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I've already eaten my monthly allotment of nuts.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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People who're unknowingly animated simply being themselves are memorable characters exuding vibrance into an otherwise dulling day.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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EYE DOCTOR: Ok. Read the bottom row of letters, Sarah. ME: Alright. G F Q 7... HIM: Seven's not a letter.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. - Kurt VonnegutRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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"Sometimes, perhaps, we are allowed to get lost that we may find the right person to ask directions of." ~Robert BraultRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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i pour a little water on the floor for all my fallen ice cubes. melt in peace, homiez.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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If it's really true that money doesn't bring happiness,then I guess everyone trying to make me happy by taking them all from my bank accountRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Oh, just laying here balancing quarters on my wiener. What you guys doin'?Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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ME. No grammar, no punctuation.. I can barely understand half the people I follow. SIS. Why bother? ME. Desperate to feel something.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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girls, I'm the "faceless guy" that has sex with you in your dreams...I don't want to hide anymoreRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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An ice cream truck that sells ice cream with lists of bad choices on the wrappers would be a sobering way to warn parents.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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That last tweet was super dumb.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Macaroni -n- Cheese would be a perfect food if you didn't have to cook it, and it didn't have those noodles.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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the frogs told the turtles that their shells were stupid and the turtles criedRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Really wanna wrap my hands around that long, hard Cool. Found the remote.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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What happens if you cross Big Fruit with Small Dog? Melancholy. Sorry. I'm not well.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Clearly there is something lacking in the educational system when a 5th grader thinks that a stegosaurus is a dragon.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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good news today. the tranny is resigning so now there will be no one prettier than i at work. sexual harrassment will peak, i predict.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Humans are funny...we think "If I could only find a Japanese Lesbian armpit fetish video, I'd be happy" then we find it & we're like, "Meh."Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Reality tv ideas- hippie hunter.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Love means staying together even when he's going through a Dave Matthews phaseRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Camels&humans not so different. Both put their pants on1leg at a time, except4gymnasts. Got2admire how gymnastic camels put their pants on.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Be who you are & say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter & those who matter don't mind ~Theodore Seuss Giesel,♥Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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It's bad enough backyard looks like paint-by-dogshit Jackson Pollock artwork, the Marcel Duchamp kitty urinal's not even being used.
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I can't find the black box of life so I can find out what went wrongRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Defend you? Pfft. Not if it'll cost me my Favstar status.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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26 hrs until takeoff.... Of your pants.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Jed’s A Millionaire band: “Cottonfields”.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RZh4j6HKZE&sns=tw … via
@youtubeRetweeted by Half Past LastView media -
So many lies and bullshit but you know what, i cannot allow myself to anger.... anger would only contribute to the negativity...Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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<------------ Practices most of his stand-up lying down.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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ThePoint of no return,hasn't warning signs when U passin'it Sometimes it has smilin'faces knocking on your back with compliment,but no signsRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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It's unfair that in near future hasn't invented the time travel & my future self can't send me help.~Random thoughts in front of ATM machineRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Remember kids, what others think of you is none of your business. Fact.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I was just told I shouldn't say things about where Hoffa may be found, so, I will not tell u he's currently enjoying a burrito on Bagley AveRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Only way I ever know it's puppy love is when the dog rolls its eyes at me.
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The clouds are giving me subliminal messages. You best better beware of me for I may not know what I'm about to do. # cloudcontrol
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my grandpa taught me never to trust anyone unless i could throw them real farRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Was thinking how working's for the birds. And how I'm most likely a duck. And how if I were a dodo, I'd be extinct. And not working.
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Ever since barely surviving a big narcisshipwreck, all the famous rapper ever says anymore is: "I make it Wayne. I make it Wayne."
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Today and everyday, we are boldly paving the way to a super, stupider future. Yay! *burp*
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Sang "Skip to my Loofah" in the shower. Slipped. Dinged my head as I banged into it. Then, the accident gave me superpowers.
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Twas the year of their discontent, historians now say. Mayan tribal scribblers said, “Fuck the future," & ate the calendar chocolate.
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Hedgerows bustle as the May Queen cleans the clutter from our minds. Rooms revive as she pulls our strings and opens up the blinds.
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“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” ― Theodore Roosevelt ♥Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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It was right as the sorority girls began swinging pillows on Lingerie Tickle Fight Night that I waltzed in & ruffled a few feathers.
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Says he’ll kick my butt if I call him dull turd again but he’s old & slow & his legs are short. Isn’t that right, Mr. Turdleturtle?
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Not easy to film serious hard-core banana porn movies because they all become romantic comedies once things end up getting all mushy.
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I was sitting pretty. Until I got a cramp.
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penises from heaven is the way horny angels say hello.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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anyone can learn from their mistakes, i like to be different.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Life is what you make of it. But there's only so much you can do with a giant pile of shit and some lemons.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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"Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none" William Shakespeare ♥Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Hey, straight dudes wearing flip flops with jeans… NO. THAT’S BAD *rubs nose in Banana Republic magazine*Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I wish you were a bobblehead, then I could just ping your little wooden skull back and forth all day longRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I just had a great idea but it was in Spanish and I didn't catch everything.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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They forming lines for food & at the other side for IPhone 5. NO ONE God who created this species can take himself seriously.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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If I ever get rich the first thing I'm going to do is start calling my comforter a duvet. Then I'll have to learn all the names for lettuce.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Leave a word out of a tweet & the meaning changes but in my case, it's still a stupid tweet just like vomit minus the bacon is still vomit.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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As big as Twitter is, I keep asking myself how the hell did I get on this bus.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Followers,Un-followers,Followers,Un-followers.For stupid accounts,it's a political campaign of revolving lunatics with no productive purposeRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I don't care which athlete or celebrity is gay, straight or bi...should be a non subject for the public...just saying.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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"How can you be so obtuse" is probably the biggest slam ever at mathematician insult battles.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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everybody falling in love one at a timeRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I'd recognize those boob avis anywhere, Todd.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Youlook at me,oh, Another white dude w/dreds.Then I take off my wig & do a fantastic puppet show & make like $4. & that's every other cornerRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I’m not sendin'sub tweets.I’m a misunderstood person,like Donald Trump.....The man just tryin'to fix a rockabilly haircut with the wrong wayRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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money is cool how you can just give somebody this dumb piece of paper and then they'll give you a can of beansRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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If you're my friend. There's never a need to hurt me. I've always been broken. Just accept me & love me.. unconditionally.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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They'll take as much as you'll let them take. There's "fuck off" for everything else.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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There are those who mock your stupidity, and those who gladly help you learn. Hats off to the kind ones!Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I wore his droid helmet when he fucked me... It was awesome. No surprise blow jobs!Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Yeah I got blackout on Monday, puked for four hours, then passed out for six hours. Come at me spring break.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I just looked at 20 of your tweets to see if you meant “jam” or “jello”.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Patton Oswalt Parks & Rec filibuster! Classic great comedy. Wait? This shit's a real idea? http://popwatch.ew.com/2013/04/18/star-wars-avengers-patton-oswalt/ …Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Awwww. There are actually people here who are simply nice. No agenda, not trying to be moral quote queens. I'm Not being sarcastic asswipe!Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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On the emotional scene of mindless mob mentality- chanting, dancing, saying 'look at me'. The coin is the same, regardless of side.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Nobody that works at this Walmart knows what aisle the toothbrushes are inRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Booty so big she got a double entendrérriére.Retweeted by Half Past LastView conversation
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There is a special place in hell for people who say 'agree to disagree' once they know they've lost an argument.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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OK, sure, let's play perfume or cleaning product. I'll go first.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Dorito tacos? Yes indeed. No brainer. But how about Dorito houses!!! *swigs last beer and high fives the mirror.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Self righteous tweets are precursors to psychological breakdowns.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Block Move on Ignore 3 rules that will help your Twitter experience.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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my hair naturally grows out into a side pony. it's not like i'm tryna be all sexyRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Dear Dr Phil, If it's true that the majority of females are crap scared of clowns why do so many end up in relationships with them?Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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You didn't like my monkey love poetry, huh?Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Lyrics in my mind- it was a Monday, a day like any other day. I drank a Snapple, the taste was kinda just okay. It was my destiny, what I...Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I’ve been on Twitter for some time now and I still have two questions: 1)Why all the drama? 2)What the fuck is an Osigat?Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Wish I had one of those jobs where you just forward emails to a coworker saying 'see below, tks'.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Maybe "moves like Jagger" is good, maybe not... But it's definitely better than 'moves like Wyman'.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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GF started smoking today..... So we had to slow down and start using lube.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Well..... apparently, there is such a thing as too many cookies. huh. weird.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experienceRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I have pillow issues and my bed smells like cupcakes.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I'm always grateful when I can't find the bathroom I keep searching for in my dreams.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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OMG, they give awards for Country Music?Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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As bad as you need to believe people are evil, I need to believe that they’re good.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I remember him. I wonder how his Twitter marriage is working out.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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A painting struggles to take shape, to exist. I struggle to let go, to forget.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Ryan Gosling is one part man & nine tenths overgrown Ewok.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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In heaven everybody kickflips.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Try 2 explain Twitter 2 friend. Fact I am followed by horse, 3 dogs, cat, brown paper bag and a vegetable I don't recognise, doesn't help.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Ok guys, enough with the zero star tweets.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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A one track mind with a two train heart is destined for a derailment. This shit doesn't have to make sense.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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travel the trails until you see goodness sincerity kindness. if you don't see it yet keep going. keep going and keep going and keep goingRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Never told anyone this but that "Double Rainbow" vid really fucking struck a chord with me. The original. Not the one with lightsabers.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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The dude just woke up and... smaaaack. TWO fucking rainbows in your face. In your motherfucking face. I'd be freaking out yoRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I'm a firm believer in like people and some odd meaningfulness here.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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*Professional tweeter. Closed course. Do not attempt.*Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I unfollowed you because you're kind of a meanie and now I feel bad because maybe something bad happened to you and you just need some love.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Some sandwich artist.. I had to tell him how to make it every step of the way.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Sorry. Just can't handle someone that continues to belittle the beliefs of some. Your 1000's of followers mean zero to me.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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"Something notable." There. It had to be said.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Oh man, if only I could have a third hand. My other two hands would be so clean!Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Before you sub tweet on my last tweet, fuck off..,,I already fucked your mom. And please let me know if you need any roof work.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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On a canvas you can add colour by using brushes or get down and dirty with finger paints ... I prefer a human canvas, without the brushes.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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"It smells like poop but tastes like bananas!"
#IDontWantToKnowRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand -
Making fun of people that retweet you with 100 followers? That's 100 more people that are reading it, dumbass. You had 100 or less once too.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Overconsumption... you know how it is ya'll! (Come on lets get down, lets get down)
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Because men can't, giraffes have to blow themselves or they die immediately after birth. Thems the rules.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I just burped after four slices of pizza. FOUR. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PIZZAS JESUS ATE BEFORE HE BURPED?! 81. EIGHTY. ONE. READ A BIBLE.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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show me on the measuring cup how much i'm allowed to love youRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I feel sorry for the coins in the fountain that don't make it into the cool coin club...think I'll go & save them & possibly buy some pizzaRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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The highest form of control is knowing when to let go. ~UnknownRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I fell in-love all over again with someone I am already madly in-love with & broke my hip. Kidding, I was trying to to do a keg stand.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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She has: husband, kids, loving dog, and huge house I have:3 booty calls,a bag of weed, and a ranch stain on my pants Not sure who's winning.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I'm on Twotter&I interrupted myself on Twotter, when I saw a heartfelt Tweet, made me stop&think. Ye gods I don't think I have a RL left.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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And in other news, warm fuzzy feelings are talking about condoms and hot dogs, I have no idea.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I fear that some peeps I follow are not real. They may be aliens in disguise. This is scawry mom.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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One can recognize a Twitter user by their ransom note: "I have you're wife. I want too thousand dollars. Put it their by the bush."Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Do whatever you want that makes you happy. Just don't hurt anyone else along the way.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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This job gives me stretch marks.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I will crush your pixie girlfriend between my real girl thighs.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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The cat walked over the candle, now my kitchen smells like burnt cat assRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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cracking yourself up is serious businessRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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find what's good in the mythology find what's wise find what's honorable find what's loveRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I would imagine, if you had a long enough guitar cord you could lead all the hippies out of town playing smoke on the waterRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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As it currently stands, I'm the funniest* person in my kitchen. *only.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Twitter celebrities exist so that we can kiss their famous asses & feel inferior even in the virtual world. Fuck You for that, Hollywood.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Try explaining daylight savings time to an 8 year old and you'll end up feeling like you're in the fucking Matrix.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I am either getting a giant forehead pimple, or my unicorn horn is finally growing in.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Just had dinner. A burrito of corned beef and cabbage with horseradish and sour cream. En garde, Facebook.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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If you've got 23 hours spare each day, you too can be a Twitter success story!Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Did anyone know what Chewbacca was really going on about?Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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1988, Attention All Reptiles, auditions for The Ninja Mutants is in sound stage B. Tortoise: "what did he say sonny." Turtle: "SOUNDSTAGE A"Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Juice boxes I ordered for Twitter Boot Camp have vanished off the loading dock. Hearing cursing, hooting, and "Fucking straw!" in the woods.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Decent road head was just impossible in that stupid car. - the PopeRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Damn it, Turtle! Turn around and go back down that driveway. I want to be alone for a bit.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Sometimes you win, sometimes you slap them upside the head.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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aunt texted; she has nothing but love & acceptance for me. i told her to stop being overly dramatic. how's that love & acceptance now?Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Cookie Monster desperately slaps the keyboard with his huge bear-like paws, "Accept cookies! ACCEPT COOKIES!" he sobs.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Do not retweet the people who don't retweet you. Some are just assholes.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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not pretty enough is all the world had ever said yet they wondered her sadnessRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Never let pain consume you so much that you forget to act. Either walk away, or fight. But do something. Cause later, this will haunt you.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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...I was just kidding on that last tweet. I totally lost my shit years ago...Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Monkey see guy in kilt. Monkey wish it was hot babe in wet T-shirt. *flings own feces* (8(/)Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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And dub steps up to the plate... The pitch is wide...Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I'm not popular enough to be different but this was the only sandwich I had.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Don't take this the wrong way but I think your mom got some new sneakers.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ― Stephen Chbosky ♥Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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It's just my eyes, nose, phone & fingers sticking out from the covers. So awesome. I'm cozy. You can't see me. It's like we're not here.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I'm just a pee on in a bowl of peed on soup. Don't ask.. just accept.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Whole lotta judging goin on. We must do it 'cause we're bored, nibshits, envious, hypocrites, or because we r just sad humans. Pick one.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Life is simple really, like Twitter, what we give out, we get back.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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there is no secret to perfection it lives in your mind onlyRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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All I have ever understood about women is in this tweet.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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The man on TV says he thinks Jonah's whale was a submarine built by a race of undersea dwelling extraterrestrials. Meesa don't likin' da.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Who do I have to fuck to get off of this boat?Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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We're not atheists; we're just spiritually indifferent, and educated.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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If I accidentally fav myself, will I look like a douche if I take it away?Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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You should see the smile on my face when I finally get the time to read your nonsense.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I wonder how many people actually take that absurd advice I and everyone else tweets out there…Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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it's not that i like tea so much it's that i like holding a cupRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Hey haters, stop bothering the pretty ladies and come hate on me! I'm lonely. :-( Probably not as lonely as you though.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I'm not scared of the world ending ... I'm scared that some of it will carry on the way it is.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Offending isn't a talent. Offending is collecting mental, emotional, & physical scars that people use as fuel to keep offending other peopleRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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State the obvious and wait for my response.......Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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If your bhole tickles it's because I thought of you.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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To those who tweet stereotypes just to get stars : fuck you very much.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Living in an old house which requires constant attention and maintenance is much like living with a man except you don't have to feed it.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Hey! Is anyone having better luck with my tweets?!......No?!....well keep trying!Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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re-gifting my patience. it's gotten me nowhereRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Regardless the sin I’ll give almost all a second chance. Unless you bore me, cause you’re just destined to repeat that shit.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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What is your fetish? And don't say retweets.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Some things are better left unsaid. That's usually the stuff I blurt out right away.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Glad I found twitter, the One Safe Place to write my diary so no one will read itRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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it's funny because we are not that we are this instead. haha thatsRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Caffeine is the human body's equivalent of autotune.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Some people make me wish they just stole tweets.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I bought 9 Chia-Pets. Surprised! Thinks* No. Probably not. Twirls hair.* Whatever.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Oh goody. I'm following the people who seemingly have all the answers.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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In my other world I totally understand what you just said.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I'm gonna miss you guys after God smites you.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Never under estimate the cheap liquor you drink. It's the Jedi side of the force in desperate situations that kicks Darth Vader's ass.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Wow, you sing it as "sleep in heavenly pees" one time and all of a sudden you've ruined Christmas again.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Anybody husslin' on the corners tonight? This is your safe place. Talk to us.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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My life strategy is simple. I pretend I know what the fuck I’m doing until I figure it out.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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What happens between an adult and a consenting deity is their own fucking business.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Ya know how when ya wake up feelin worse than when ya wenta bed, but then the cobwebs clear and you're like "Wow I'm all better"? Not that.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Get more followers tweets are like buses. You don't see one for ages, then you get 8 in 2 minutes. And they stink of despair & baby poo.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Dear person who just turned in your resume with no name or phone number. You didn't get the job.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Coming up with something stupid to say, just to keep the conversation going.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Love means wanting happiness for someone, no matter the source.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I'm always disappointed when the old mop doesn't fuck the bowling ball's face holes in the Swiffer commercial.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I'm going to Home Depot, which means I'll likely tweet this exact same tweet at least three more times today.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I'm glad to see you won't let a little speed bump like not knowing what the fuck you're talking about get in your way.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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When people are mean to me I see it for what it is. Them screaming at their miserable lives. I'm sorry. You deserve happiness too XxxRetweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I had a wonderful tweet but then the beagle & I got to arguing and I forgot it.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Sir, this is no ordinary phone. It's also a dormitory for my friends. Be gentle until my return.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Wondering if the guy who puts out bread for the birds is actually in league with the neighborhood cats.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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it's almost like the world is trying to piss me off and one creeper is spearheading the whole operation.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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This could be the beginning of a beautiful restraining order.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I wish "Where's your toy?! Go find your toy!" worked on people, too.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I have a soft spot for the absurd ones here.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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The only thing more contagious than negativity is positivity.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Sometimes life is about risking everything for a dream no one can see but you.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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That dog food commercial where the dog eats it, jumps over a bush and becomes a majestic wolf in mid flight doesn’t work for stupid poodles.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Sometimes it's not so much the quality of your tweets. But rather how you treat your fellow tweeters that matters on twitter.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Sometimes I feel bad about all the shitty tweets I dump into my TL. But then I remember that some of those RTs might actually help someone.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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If it's a choice between a stairway to heaven or a highway to hell I'll take the highway because fuck stairs.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Sometimes you just have to stand in the middle of the street and scream.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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The part of the story no-one talks about is that Goldilocks was the reason Mama Bear & Papa Bear slept in separate beds...Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I suffer from random memory loss. Some people call it politeness.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I take the time every night to read your tweets to my children as part of my stay in school campaign.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I can tell that some of you were that kid that always got his head stuck in the arm hole of his shirt.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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The danger lies not in setting our aim too high & falling short; but in setting our aim too low & achieving our mark." – M Buonarroti ♥Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Been on Twotter for 6 or 7 months, still don't know what I'm doing. So I tried FavStar. Great, now I don't know what I'm doing in 2 places.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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My new app doesn't work as promised. .99 cents down the drain for the pecker enhancer. Wife says I don't know how to use it. My life story.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Twitter is asking me to add my contacts so that I have more followers. I guess twitter doesn't know how to do twitter.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Join twitter, tweet about your spouse, tweet about your twitter crush, live tweet your melt down, twittercide, come back as a cat.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Locking myself in a room and I won't emerge until I have perfected the Vatican/puff puff pass/conclave tweet...Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Once you've stepped on a jack a Lego ain't shit ..!..Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I think we need to understand men, not women.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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3 out of 10 people suck; remaining 7 chew.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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I slept almost all day yesterday, because fuck it.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Tracy Chapman - This Time http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEhXtZ7L4YE&sns=tw … via
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Dimming the lights and being on twitter. I was waiting for this moment.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Who wants to come and do this fucking laundry with me? I blow job.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Newbies, you don't wait for followers, you go get them.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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~ Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts. - Albert Einstein ♥Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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"The world stands aside to let anyone pass who knows where he is going." – David Starr Jordan ♥Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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Looking for a nice girl who wears funky clothes and can kickflip.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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unless there are flying chipmunks in your sexual fantasies, don't involve me.Retweeted by Half Past LastExpand
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RT
@CosmicCat: "Real strength is having power & choosing not to use it." ~ Stan Smith
Labels: #ftwot, #gaf, #gsoav, #jsntf, #tbot, tweets, twitter
posted by Taranonymous Reads Not the Book of Tweet @ 4:18 PM
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